Rambles

Today was a day. I don’t think I ever actually fell fully asleep last night. It was my four-times-a-year endometriosis flair up. It’s not painful enough to not go to work but it’s just painful enough to cause me to not be able to fall asleep.

So I was running fully on coffee this morning.

And, of course, I was being observed by my principal today.

Oy.

And I’m giving up my lunches Tuesdays and Thursdays to help train juniors for the PSAT, which I’m always happy to do, but this year is just bleh and the restrictions make it so much harder. Not to mention our lunches are split for the first time so the kids are getting half the number of sessions last year’s kids got. And I have to run all over the building to meet with them because “Cuhwonaviwus,” as Jonas would say. So it’s a lot of work and I’m not sure I’m even selling a good product, if that makes sense.

And some of my virtual kids are just not doing what they need to do and I can’t get a hold of them and I feel like all I do is write emails all day sometimes.

And then I wake up in the middle of the night and think, “Omg I think I forgot about that particular quarantined student or that kid who is choosing to stay home right now.”

And then I had to confront some kids for making poor choices. I hate confrontation, you all. I prefer to kill them with kindness. But certain behavior can’t be killed with kindness.

It was just an exhausting day. Nothing horrible. Just so very tiring.

And then.

Then a parent emailed and—long story short—thanked me for holding his kid to a high standard.

Thanked me for confronting the issue.

And all of a sudden, all that work seemed worth it.

And then my boys and I went to a pumpkin patch with Jonas’s school:

I’m not allowed in the building this year (understandably so), so this was the first time I got to meet Jonas’s teacher!

It makes me emotional anytime I see adults who are clearly so gifted with little ones. There’s something holy about their interactions, I swear.

And when it’s my kid they’re loving on…well, I just can’t quite find the words.

I just kept thinking, “What a gift it is to have other adults love and instruct my boy so well.” They nurture him and praise him and hold him accountable all at once. And it makes me just want to thank them for all eternity.

And then it hit me.

Yeah, it looks a lot different. No, I don’t have to tell kids to stop falling out of their chairs (makes me laugh every time).

Jonas’s teachers have such a beautiful gift and do such good and such hard work.

And so do I.

So let’s say it more.

This year is exhausting.

I miss seeing my kids’ faces; I miss hanging out with my friends; I miss traveling. I miss being able to sip my water bottle all hour.

I miss my old life.

But also—

We are doing good and hard work.

So if no one has thanked you today, let me. Thank you for doing this hard work. Thank you for showing up for your kids in the middle of this crazy. Thank you for choosing to still use your gift amidst the exhaustion. Thank you for working even though it’s not nearly as fulfilling this year, is it? Thank you for planning and grading and researching even if all you get is stares on Zoom or half-masked faces.

Thank you, teachers of all ages.

It will not be like this forever.

But the fact that you’re still here is a big deal to me.

So as a mom—thank you.