Grandma

It’s been a heavy week in the Peterson household. On Sunday, we lost Brett’s grandma, whom I’ve also called Grandma for over a decade. She was the epitome of love, gentleness, and hard work. A one-room-schoolhouse teacher, she and I would often compare notes and laugh at how different school is now but how kids are still kids, no matter the generation. Grandma was so quick to welcome everyone in her home. She was even smaller than I am but had the biggest heart. While we miss her deeply, her generous spirit lives on in her husband, kids, grandkids, great grandkids, and I’d like to think this granddaughter-in-law, too.

Grandma’s passing means I’ll need to miss the last couple days before the AP Exam. But as I told the kids today, I’ve never been so confident about a group and I’m certain they don’t need me anymore. They’ve got this.

I was going to hold a study session after school today but unfortunately our sweet son has strep so I needed to cancel that, too.

This evening I received these beautiful words from a student:

Hey Mrs. Peterson! I just wanted to let you know how appreciated and loved you are! We totally will miss you these next couple days, but I really admire how you are putting your family first and showing that to your students. I am praying for peace and comfort for your family for these next couple days! (especially for sweet Jonas:))
Thinking of you!

I can’t read that and not tear up…

Since this was my last day with some of them before the test (I’m taking a half day tomorrow), I gave test day instructions today. I told them how proud I am of them, how I want them to finish strong, but at the end of the day this test is just a number. And numbers do not define us.

It’s a very tricky balance we attempt to hold as teachers: pushing our kids to do their best while also encouraging them not to garner their identify from their performance.

Push and let go.

Push and let go.

This idea that who we are is infinitely more important than how we perform is a difficult concept for kids and adults alike.

But it’s one I’ve tried to instill in them since the beginning. It’s one of the reasons we practice mindfulness in my class—because I think it’s crucial we take time to focus on just our breath, to remind ourselves that we are enough exactly as we are; no need to preform. No need to act. No need to fit in. We belong already. We belong to each other.

I tried my best to remind them of that today. But if I’m being honest, my brain is a little mushy this week and I wondered if I really got across what I wanted to get across.

Then another message from a student said, “I saw this earlier this week and saved it. It reminded me of what you were telling us today.”

I know I’m supposed to be the one holding them.

But today, like many days, they held me.

We love you and miss you, Grandma. But the example you built for us: of loving without condition or expectation is one that will carry on forever.